Twelve Things I’d Rather Do With $30,000 Dollars

Hedda and I went to see Second City’s touring company at the Woolly Mammoth Theater last night, for their show entitled A Girl’s Guide to Washington Politics. As always, the show is a blast. The stage was decked out like a Metro platform, complete with red warning lights in the granite that blinked when a train arrived. Highlights included Nancy Pelosi’s Stand-up Schtick (she’s not bitter), the Agony of Todd Palin, and Elena the Opera. Definitely see it if you can - it runs through January 9.

One moment of disbelief for both Hedda and I, though, was during the Guide to Financial Planning, a hilarious skit where financial advice was proffered to the audience in a sort of Suze Orman meets Mad Money style. The audience was asked if any of them owned a car, and of course most of them did. Then they were asked how much they paid for their cars. Hedda and I nearly fell out of our seats when almost everyone in the room simultaneously blurted, “Thirty thousand dollars!”

That is a lot of fucking money. And I am sure they were only considering the sticker price. With financing, the real cost of the car could be nearly double. My mind boggles at what they’re paying after factoring in fuel, insurance, maintenance, parking. So, since we are a car-free household, here is a list of things I would rather spend $30,000 on:

  1. Twelve 55” HDTVs,
  2. Eleven bottles of 1958 Glen Garioch whisky,
  3. Ten solar panels,
  4. Nine top-secret smart phones,
  5. Eight 450-year-old bibles,
  6. Seven nights in a beach house,
  7. Six home micro-breweries,
  8. Five golden rings!
  9. Four years of college,
  10. Three trips to Europe,
  11. Two life-sized gingerbread houses,
  12. Or a savings bond worth $34,848.50 in five years.