Mentally Girding Up To Get GropedPosted on November 14th, 2010 2 comments
I’m on a bus to the airport at the moment, and I’ve been reading plenty about the new security scanners at the airport. I have been subjected to them in the past, but I have since been vowing to opt-out of them if I were selected to go through them.
But the TSA really, really wants us to go through them. After spending hundreds of millions of dollars on a technology with marginal gains, they had better use them! So to *ahem* “encourage” folks to not opt-out, they have instituted a new We’re-Gonna-Feel-You-Up policy. That is, if you opt out of the insane invasion of privacy the scanners represent, of if you don’t want a picture of your naked body stored by some nameless agent (as has happened in several cases where operators have intentionally or unintentionally stored the near-naked pictures of passengers’ bodies despite assurances that such a thing could never, ever happen), then you will be subjected to the most humiliating, groin-rubbing, feel-coppin’ pat-down they can muster as a punishment.
That’s what passes for security in our airports now. I have to choose between a naked body-scan or some guy rubbing my penis to make sure it isn’t a bomb. And Osama bin Whoseitsfuck is laughing his ass off.
UPDATE: Well, I didn’t get groped because there were no full-body scanners at the security station I went through. They did take my razor, though, so now I can’t shave. They’re 3/10 on finding them, though, so I’ll keep trying.
I went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago. I stressed the whole way to the airport about getting felt up (because I was NOT doing the scanner) and then didn’t have to. The two choices aren’t so great, are they?
If the airline affords you an opportunity to legally flash someone via one of their electrical scanners, shove a John Holmes replica dildo down your pants and go through the scanner grinning, winking, and pointing at your junk with a phone number and “CALL ME” written on your chest in marker.
Or if you’re enjoying the airline’s complimentary molestations, supplement the experience with a lot of “oh yeah… right there”, “more”, and “harder.” End it with a wink and a “you missed a spot…” Or just fake an orgasm.
Not sure if that will help your overall traveling experience, but it’ll make one hell of a story.
Why is airport security so devoid of logic and reason? Or do they not care that much about effectiveness; is the illusion of safety the product the airlines is selling since they know that 99% of travelers can’t tell the difference between good security and bad security?